It Just Goes to Show
A play in one act
by Harriet Kriegel
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Cast of Characters
ROSE - approaching seventy, uses cane, somewhat childlike AGNES - in her early eighties, uses walker, strongly opinionated MARY - in her mid-seventies, better educated than the others BEVERLY - in her mid-eighties, highly competitive, moves slowly with Rollator Place New York City park bench on Upper West Side Manhattan traffic Island, which separates uptown and downtown vehicles. Time Unseasonably cold late October afternoon, some years before Covid-19. Setting: Sounds of late afternoon traffic streaming past park bench in middle of a Broadway traffic island. The leaves of the bushes behind and to the sides of the bench are dry and brown. At Rise: Seated on the bench are four elderly women engaged in conversation. They are bundled in black winter coats, scarves and hats, and are catching the last rays of sun. Street sounds die down when they begin speaking. ROSE
It just goes to show. AGNES It sure does. MARY You never know from one day to the next. BEVERLY It’s true. You never know. AGNES That boy is always getting into trouble. Like father, like son. MARY A real chip off the old block. ROSE It just goes to show. Blood is thicker than water. BEVERLY What can I tell you? The apple never falls far from the tree. ROSE An apple a day keeps the doctor away. AGNES What’s that got to do with anything? ROSE We were talking about apples, and I said, “An apple —” AGNES I know what you said, but we were NOT talking about apples. ROSE Well why shouldn’t we talking about apples? They are very good for you. Apples have boron. AGNES You mean like Boric Acid? That can’t be good for you. MARY Boron is different from Boric acid. BEVERLY My mother used Boric acid for everything, especially for sore eyes. Now they say it’s poisonous. I don’t remember anyone getting poisoned. Do you? AGNES No. I don’t either. BEVERLY That’s the way it is. One day something’s good for you and the next it’s bad for you. ROSE You can never tell from one day to the next. AGNES You can say that again. ROSE You can never tell from one day to the next. AGNES You didn’t have to repeat that you know. ROSE But you said -- AGNES I know. Just forget it. BEVERLY (wrapping her arms around herself very tightly and after long pause) It’s beginning to get pretty cold. ALL (They nod in agreement.) MARY It’s really getting there. AGNES The whole thing is ridiculous. MARY What is? AGNES The weather. Last week it was 86 degrees, and today it’s freezing. ROSE 86 in October is colder than 86 in July. AGNES What are you talking about? 86 is 86! ROSE No it’s not. A fall 86 is colder than a summer 86. Isn’t that true, Mary? Am I right or am I right? AGNES Oh, please. This is a ridiculous conversation. ROSE You think you know everything. MARY It is really cold today. AGNES Hope we don’t have a bad winter. We could sure use a better winter than the one we had last year. BEVERLY I didn’t think last year was so bad. AGNES What’re you talking about? They didn’t have enough snow ploughs to clean the streets. BEVERLY That’s every year. It was the winter we had two years ago that was the bad one. AGNES No it was last year. BEVERLY You’re getting things mixed up. AGNES I am not. MARY It’s the weather people who get things mixed up. Especially now that they call themselves “METEOROLOGISTS.” ROSE They don’t always guess right. (They all agree. Long pause.) BEVERLY What will be, will be. ROSE Comme ci, Comme ca. BEVERLY Comme ci, comme ca, does not mean what will be, will be. ROSE Yes it does. BEVERLY: No it doesn’t. You’re thinking of “que sera, sera.” ROSE What difference does it make? It’s not English anyway. MARY For God’s sake. They mean entirely different things. ROSE Why do you always have to be so intellectual? If you’re so smart, why aren’t you on Jeopardy? BEVERLY I remember Doris Day singing that. AGNES What? BEVERLY (sings) Que sera, sera, whatever will be will be –“ (The others pick up the chorus.) “The future’s not ours to see, que sera, sera.” AGNES I liked Doris Day. MARY I did too. She sang it in a Hitchcock movie. AGNES Don’t be ridiculous. It couldn’t be Hitchcock. MARY Why not? AGNES She was too wholesome. MARY I know it was Hitchcock. AGNES Oh please! MARY (She shrugs, deciding it’s not worth the fight.) Have it your own way. AGNES Speaking of music, my granddaughter Eileen got a partial piano scholarship to Juilliard. BEVERLY My grandson Alex just got special commendation for playing the tuba. AGNES Where does your Alex come to my Eileen? BEVERLY What’re you talking about? Alex is extremely talented. AGNES I’m talking about Juilliard. BEVERLY So what? It takes much more talent to play the tuba than the piano. AGNES Yeah right! (Imitates tuba player) Oompa. Oompa. Oompa. BEVERLY Can your granddaughter play the piano and march around at the same time? AGNES Of course not. BEVERLY See, that’s what I’m saying. Playing the tuba is much harder. AGNES Give me a break. Talking to you is like talking to a brick wall. ROSE (after long pause) You know, it’s really getting cold. AGNES For God’s sake Rose, we finished talking about the weather five minutes ago. ROSE Who appointed you Ayatollah? I’ll talk about the weather whenever I feel like. BEVERLY If you ask me, this is real pneumonia weather. AGNES No one asked you. ROSE It’s getting dark. I hate when it gets dark early. BEVERLY Me too. AGNES Soon they’re going to take Daylight Savings away. I never understood that. MARY Me neither. Why they save daylight in the summer when light is plentiful and stop saving it in winter when we need it is beyond me. ALL (All agree.) AGNES Some genius in Washington, who doesn’t know his ass from his elbow, must have thought that one up. BEVERLY You can sure say that again. ROSE Some genius in Washington -- BEVERLY Okay, okay we got it. ROSE (after short pause) It’s nice sitting here in the fresh air. AGNES You call this air fresh? With the fumes from all the cars? ROSE I like looking at the cars. It’s funny when they honk. It’s better than staying in the apartment all day. BEVERLY A person can get tired watching TV. AGNES To each his own. No accounting for taste. BEVERLY I could sure use a bowl of hot soup. AGNES Me too. ROSE We could go to Zabar’s. BEVERLY Are you kidding? You can buy all of Manhattan with what they charge. ROSE What’s so bad about splurging once in a while? BEVERLY A penny saved is a penny earned. ROSE It’s not like we’re on food stamps or anything. BEVERLY How would you know? AGNES Rose, please shut up. MARY You know what I’d like right now? A warm H&H bagel. AGNES They’re closed — a long time already. MARY (sorrowfully) I know. ROSE I miss Chock Full O’Nuts. BEVERLY Now you’re talking ancient history. AGNES Remember the Automat? You’d put coins in the slot and the little glass door would open so you could slide your food out. And you put a cup under a spigot shaped like a lion's head and hot chocolate came out of the lion's mouth. Same thing with coffee. My mother used to take me. BEVERLY (starts to get up slowly and adjusts Rollator) This is getting too depressing. I’m going home and open up my can of Campbell’s. It’s been grand ladies. AGNES Stay a little longer, why don’t you? BEVERLY No. It’s cold and it’s late. (She rises slowly, leans on her Rollator. Starts to leave as others say “Goodbye,” "Stay well," etc. See you tomorrow. (while exiting) God willing. AGNES Rose, you talk too much. ROSE Why can’t I talk like everybody else? AGNES What’s with you and Zabar’s all of a sudden? ROSE I thought it would be nice. It’s not my fault that Zabar’s charges too much. AGNES (pauses) It’s the banks who are the real crooks. MARY So are the insurance companies. ROSE What about the government? First they say government is good, and then they say it's bad. AGNES As far as I'm concerned, they should all drop dead. ROSE You mean everyone should die? AGNES (exasperated) You know what I mean. ROSE (thinks for a moment) Mary what does she mean? MARY How should I know? (Pause.) It is what it is. ROSE (after pondering Mary's remark) Everything happens for a reason. AGNES You know, when you think about it, that’s really profound. MARY I’d rather not think about it. AGNES (getting up to leave) Well I’m going to toddle off too. Have to make a visit to the Little Girls’ Room, and I want to get home before it gets too dark. Think I’ll make myself a nice cup of hot tea. Let's hope that's still good for you. (Agnes goes off, pushing her walker, as Mary and Rose say goodbye. Rose and Mary stare into the increasing darkness.) MARY It’s getting darker by the minute. ROSE It’s kind of funny watching everyone rush around us as it gets dark. MARY What are they all rushing for? I used to rush too. Everything seemed so important then. ROSE Do you miss rushing? MARY Sometimes. ROSE Well it’s all water under the bridge anyhow. MARY I guess so. ROSE I don’t care what Agnes says. It’s nice being here in the fresh air. Meeting friends. Exchanging ideas. (Pause) I don’t like the dark. You’re more likely to stumble. MARY Soon we’ll all be falling in the dark. ROSE Guess I should be getting home. (She grabs her cane and slowly gets up.) Want to come with me? MARY No. I want to sit here for a while. ROSE In the dark? MARY I just want to sit and think for a while. ROSE Is that when you do your thinking? In the dark? MARY Sometimes. ROSE Maybe that’s why you’re so smart. (Pause) Sure you don’t want to walk home with me? MARY No. ROSE It wasn’t a bad day. MARY No, it wasn’t. ROSE Know what the secret is? MARY No, what? ROSE You have to take it one day at a time. MARY (Mary nods in agreement. Then says slowly to herself) All that rushing. ROSE What do you mean? MARY Nothing. ROSE And you know what else? MARY What? ROSE You have to roll with the punches. Right? MARY Right. ROSE (leaving) It just goes to show. (while exiting) Toodle. MARY Toodle. (She wraps her arms around herself as it gets colder and darker. The sounds of the traffic become more pronounced as the light fades completely.) |
